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After being in a slump for what seems like forever, I decided I needed to spoil myself today.... started out by getting my hair coloured. Ran into a friend of mine today and went to his place for coffee.... heh, I guess that guy I was dating really is a dog after all, and it is not in my imagination.... he went to my friend's place with some chick he has actually been seeing some time now.... hmmmm, and on another occaision with his ex, who he told me many a time he was completely done with, I guess her "hounding" paid off.... whatever, she can have the dog (I guess she doesn't mind sharing him with how ever many more women he has on the go). Feels good just to bitch about it. After I left my friend's place I went to Addictive and got my earlobes stretched. Only to a 12 gauge though, I will probably go to 10g in a month or so, and so on until I get to about a 00, gradually as to avoid pain and keloidial tissues. While I was there I went upstairs to see Trevor (he did my last tattoo) to see if we could get together to discuss some of the work I am planning to have done in the new year, but it needs planning so I want to bring in some art for him.... something inspired by Brian Froud, but that is all I will say about it at this time. I also finally got my latest English essay done which is such a relief.... and only two weeks left until exams start. YAY!!!
Thursday, November 21, 2002
posted by Flick 12:43 AM
I can't sleep....... things are bothering me
LMAO funny xylphone thingy
Ugh...... :(
Mildred sees the light!
Currently listening to:
Saturday, November 16, 2002
posted by Flick 4:53 AM
hey I need to relieve my stress with mindless, trivial things sometimes.
posted by Flick 1:59 AM
Just when you thought you've found it... it's not here either.
Friday, November 15, 2002
posted by Flick 1:10 AM
I am Freaking out.... I have a week to analyse this this poem, and write a 4 page essay about it.... kill me now please?
SONNET #138
By William Shakespeare
When my love swears that she is made of truth,
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutored youth,
Unlearnèd in the world's false subtleties.
Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,
Although she knows my days are past the best,
Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:
On both sides thus is simple truth supressed.
But wherefore says she not she is unjust?
And wherefore say not I that I am old?
Oh, love's best habit is in seeming trust,
And age in love loves not to have years told.
Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flattered by.
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
posted by Flick 4:41 PM
Monday, November 11, 2002
posted by Flick 12:20 AM
Look I'm standing naked before you
Don't you want more than my sex
I can scream as loud as your last one
But I can't claim innocence
Oh god could it be the weather
Oh god why am I here
If love isn't forever
And it's not the weather
Hand me my leather
I could just pretend that you love me
The night would lose all sense of fear
But why do I need you to love me
When you can't hold what I hold dear
Oh god could it be the weather
Oh god why am I here
If love isn't forever
And it's not the weather
Hand me my leather
I almost ran over an angel
He had a nice big fat cigar
"In a sense" he said "you're alone here
So if you jump you best jump far"
Oh god could it be the weather
Oh god why am I here
If love isn't forever
And it's not the weather
Oh god could it be the weather
Oh god its all very clear
If love isn't forever
And it's not the weather
Hand me my leather
Saturday, November 09, 2002
posted by Flick 8:08 PM
AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I do not know everything. One thing I know for sure is that when you ask someone a question about something that means something to you and they say they "don't want to talk about it," it is a sure sign they know they are wrong. Like you are seeing someone for instance and you read an essay they have written that says that "2 out of the 5 girlfriends" have enjoyed their latest body mods... and you thought you were the only one, so he said... he likes me a lot. But that was then. Funny thing though, when I asked him about it, he said he told me he was seeing other people.... ha, as I recall, it was one date with some wannabe satanist chick, who, come to think of it, he told me he went out for a bite with her a few about 5 weeks ago, "but it wasn't a date". Sure it wasn't. The thing that really pisses me off is that he was not as forthcoming with me as he should have been. He even told me that he had said to his ex to stop calling because he was seeing someone else, I thought he ment just me, because he didn't say anything about the other 4 women. It makes me think, when I was at the bar with him that one time with him and he don't me not to touch him when this other girl showed up.. and disappeared outside with her, that is just one of his many girlfriends. When he told me he cared about me, he lied. When he didn't have time for me because of "work" he was probably out with someone else. When all of a sudden he could not have me over at his place, it was because he was most likely juggling 4 other women. God dammit, I think I should just get over the dog -even if it was only dating. Duh, I feel so stupid now... he is such a womanizer : why would I cry over him?? Whatever, to anyone reading this, he is just some nameless, faceless, moral-less guy. still, it really really does not sit well in my stomach.... makes them feel used. Used up. I know I deserve better.... Just goes to show you, you really shouldn't put that much trust in people, even when they look you in the eye and tell you how much they like you or care about you. I guess when he said he wanted to take things slow so we didn't screw things up what he ment was he didn't want me to interfere with all the piece of ass he was getting on the side.... how contemptible. I am worth far more than that.... even if this is just some kind of self affirmation and nothing more. Maybe I should modify the top 10 list eh? I heard somewhere that he got really upset once when someone called him a womanizer..... that is so funny, if a guy doesn't want to be called a womanizer then maybe he should stop being one.
Grrrrrrr I am at school and the computers here really suck shit.... I try to look at my blog and it won't let me!!! For once it is not blogger being lame either, just the good for nothing computer network at school.... and to think with the amount of tuition we pay to be here (UWO is one of the most expensive schools in Canada if not the most) the technical services would not be so half assed or mediocre.... but as Le Tigre has said it "Mediocrity Rules".
story time
I was just getting my hot apple cider out of the nuker about 5 minutes ago, when the phone rang.... dun dun dun..... It is the fricken STALKER. Well to make a long story short, he is a creepy creepy guy that really liked me in highschool.... like this particular school I went to about 12 years ago. I had never given this guy my phone number ever in my life.... I moved out of the province for years and after being back here for about 4 - 5 months (3 years ago) this guy called me. I did not know who he was but he knew me.... after his trying to refresh my memory many times, and me looking him up in a friend's yearbook... I finally knew..... creepy Dave. Well I had him calling me all the time a few years back for over a year, despite my telling him I really did not want to go out with him, did not want to talk to him, ect ect.... I thought that after I finally screamed at him to fuck right off that I got rid of him.... he was all worried about me lol. Well fast forward 2 years and that is today.... it was him!!!! I decided no being nice, no beating around the bush..... I hope he gets that I do not want to hear from him.... he is really creepy..... c'mon guy it was a stupid highschool crush, get over it.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
posted by Flick 12:31 PM
eeeeep! I feel like I need to take a really long shower....
People show you who they are.... believe them.
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
posted by Flick 10:33 PM
posted by Flick 1:18 PM
Today I went for a bike ride to Chapters.... was gonna get Irvine Welsh's new book "Porno" but I won't have time to read it for awhile, so I opted for some lighter reading.
Amphigorey, which is an anthology containing 15 of Edward Gorey's stories, which is where "The Wuggly Ump" was taken, and "The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy" by Tim Burton.... just kinda found that one by accident, which is great because I have wanted that one for some time now..... I have been a little down in the dumps lately and this book reaaly make me laugh...
Monday, November 04, 2002
posted by Flick 6:08 PM
A thousand words
Currently listening to...
Here are some photography links I found.... check 'em out:
Sherry Globman: a collection of rock photography....rocktography!
real life
suicide girls
I think I can really relate to this one <--keep clicking on the photo to see more photos...
Geoff Cordner
punk rawk porn <--- hey Feedback, there are even pierced ones here!!
and speaking of photography.... feed the supermodels!
posted by Flick 2:16 AM
i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
i am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way
Saturday, November 02, 2002
posted by Flick 1:01 PM
Just on time for halloween...... my alter ego
Know the clues, because if you pay attention you won't fall under the spell. Here are hints that will hound you if you are dating an asshole, enchanting or otherwise:
1. You say things like, "But when we are alone together..." or "When it's just the two of us...", you are dating an asshole. Because if it is only good when it is just the two of you it's not good enough. There's a little thing called Life out there and, I hate to break it to you, it involves other people. Lots of them. A-Hole. Run.
2. You say, "This was a good weekend for us." Like that's good news. You are supposed to have a good weekend 95% of the time. This is when you spend the bulk of your time together, uninterrupted by work or other distractions. If you can't make the most of this time together and freely enjoy it, why the hell are you with this A-Hole?
3. He doesn't call. Especially to prove some sort of punishing point. Best solution for this: Change your number. He's an A-Hole.
4. You find out that he has been seeing 4 other women (yet it is "work" that keeps him so busy that he hasn't seen you in over 2 weeks), and he has slept with at least one other woman besides you... dating others is one thing, but I draw the line at sex ladies and gents.
5. He is in crisis, turmoil, at a traumatic turning point, or is just a moody jerk. Run. There is no way you are going to be able to make this work if his life doesn't work already.
6. You want/secretly hope he will change. Or worse, you change/alter yourself for him. Now you are on the verge of becoming an A-Hole.
7. You cry.
8. There are more bad times than good -- or, all good times are followed by spats.
9. His problems become yours, and your life takes a back seat or has to be downplayed to keep the peace.
10. You keep referring back to that special beginning when friends ask why you put up with his shit.
hmmmm 2, 3, 5, 6 ,7.... the indicators are there.... I guess I did the right thing huh?
posted by Flick 9:50 AM
Well I guess I can breath.... told the man it is not working out.... too bad, I really did like him. He is not really into spanning time with me and I don't think it shows a lot of self respect to sit around waiting until it is convenient for him to see me....Why the hell should I care about someone who doesn't give a shit about me... I couldn't even touch him or anything at the bar because his ex was there... that is crap.... he has another chick living with him, that is crap, I can't see him because some chick is living with him, and after not seeing him and not fitting in to his tight schedule I am supposed to think nothing of it, even though he has time to drive 2 hours out of his way to get her but can't even come and see me. Might have been lame for me to do it over the phone even, yeah very lame, but under the circumstances, I have no idea when I would see him... if I did, maybe I wouldn't have done it at all, but I am sure that is what he wanted anyway, so whatever... also my birthday was a few weeks ago and he didn't really seem to care too much... came by witha friend for about 40 minutes and left... no card, no momento. That kind of stuff matters to me. So, I guess that's it. He seemed pretty nonchalant about it when I told him any way... so I guess I did the right thing. I was kinda expecting him to pull a no show tomorrow night anyway so I figured I would save him the hassle.... he can't do anything with me because he has to go out with someone he sees everyday... or any other number of things that are higher on his priority list. Haven't gone anywhere with him in 3 weeks, I haven't seen him in over two weeks... I don't care if he says he still likes me because his actions speak louder. I don't care if things are supposedly going to be different, because this whole situation is like a big deja vu to me... I know I have been through this in the past and I know that they do not change. I am tired of feeling pissed off because I have been wasting my time. I don't want to feel sad about a stupid guy that really doesn't care about me. People can say anything they want, but it is really all the little things they do or don't do, and I have been there and done that. I won't do that anymore, I know I am worthy or better things... yeah I know... bitch bitch bitch, but what's the point in holding it all in... I can't even talk to him about it anyway, he never has time for me. He hasn't seen me in over 2 weeks but he has a stupid halloween party to go to tonight....if we're supposed to be dating then why didn't he invite me? why should tonight be different, not like my birthday mattered to him. Even my ex, who is a pain in the ass by the way, did more for me on my birthday..... and he's an asshole.... if assholes treat me better then I am better off alone.
Why the fuck am I crying? That is so lame... I am lame for crying over it.... I am lame for crying over someone who treats me so lame. Makes me want to slap myself.
At least I have a tonne of chocolate here to console myself.
OKAY I admitted it... to myself and only a couple of people that are close to me, I have been pissed off. Simply put. I have been pissed off because I know that I deserve better than that.... I am better than that....and no I do not feel better for having said or done any of this, but at least it is a step forward. Right?
Friday, November 01, 2002
posted by Flick 8:14 PM
To link it (the actual code): 
posted by Flick 12:17 AM
