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Fine Dining
Thursday, October 31, 2002
posted by Flick 12:12 AM
Slowly......
Fuck I'm tired!
Good Times
HAHA!
Look, we made a crappy jack o lantern
Things are coming along, got my Rhetorical and poetic terms done... just gotta study them and maybe while I do my scansions I will see if I can identify some of them as they come up. Had a meeting with my kid's teacher this morning, I was late. Then went to the new library downtown and grabbed 3 more books on Frida Kahlo.... now, now, I think I have enough sources for my research... 6 books on Frida and a text book with snippets about her art. My life. It's so exciting huh? Ok you want excitement... hmmm... I bought a new toque yesterday, can't beat that! Oh got some pretty flowers from my cowboy friend on Sunday.... I can't remember the last time I got flowers, I am glad they were not roses... I hate roses... I hate carnations too, but anyways, it was a nice gesture. I don't feel worthy.
Tonight I am going to have a massive study session.... women's studies exam tomorrow!!
Look at my creation
Whew... just checked my mail, I got approved for a bursary... I can breath now... I really needed that.
Now if I just had someone to veg out and cuddle with....
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
posted by Flick 2:21 PM
Zzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
posted by Flick 2:06 AM
Well the movie night went very well... back to work today (grumble). Did you ever get the feeling that someone you dated was too nice for you? Well maybe it isn't that... I guess when I think that it is someone that my sister would actually aprove of then I start thinking like that. Maybe it's not such a bad thing.... I should learn to silence that inner critic once in a while, if I did I might actually be happy. A more critical observation might be how drawn I am to guys that don't treat me very nice... I guess it is that masochistic side of me. It was a really nice evening, we watched Momento and Resident Evil... the former was nothing like I had anticipated... I thought I had it all figured out but by the end of the movie I was more confused, I think it is one of those movies you have to watch more than once. The latter was the ultimate in horror movies. I know it is good if it can make me jump in my seat! Also had a lot of sets that looked like they were right out of the game, and most of the score was slipknot muzik. We're gonna get together again soon sometime, I think maybe we should go and check out Bowling for Columbine, I have heard great things about it. Oh, he brought me over a little present... A really cool Trole poster (my friend Dana took the photograph, she is the official photographer of Trole y'know... she will be famous someday - all the big rock bands will be banging on her door... wonder if she needs an agent? hehe).
Sunday, October 27, 2002
posted by Flick 9:35 AM
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
Saturday, October 26, 2002
posted by Flick 8:00 PM
Any guesses as to what or who it is?
posted by Flick 6:28 PM
Wheeeeee
Went on a date last night. I must say it was one of the best dates I've had in some time. When he showed up to pick me up, he was very sharp looking so I took the opportunity to change my own attire and I was so glad I did... I would have been really underdressed for where we went - a restaurant called Willies. Candlelight. Wine. Am I conjuring any images here. It was nice... he knows the chef there so they sent some kind of h'orderves to the table. Heh, I felt like a shit..... "is this vegetarian pate?" So they wisked it back to the kitchen and brought back something that tasted like a cross between bruschetta and stuffed grape leaves... mmm mmm! When the main course came I was nearly too full from the cream of butternut squash and sweet potato soup to eat any more.... So after that we went to some bar (used to be a gay bar a long time ago, called Banisters I think) where his buddy's band (Ten Heads) was playing... all in all it was a great night. That man can dance.... woohoo, rock-a-billy cowboys are fun. I think he had as good a time as I did, he called me this morning and we went for brunch, brought my kid along on this one.... and he still wants to see me again. He asked me if I wanted to get together this evening but I told him to maybe gimme a call later.... I have made plans with someone else already, I am sure it will be a nice evening, we're gonna rent a movie or two, I will put some coffee on, chat, whatever.
(Lou Barlow)
t was never my intention
to blindly feed the boy/girl game
i know romance isn't everything
but i'm obsessing just the same
because today i don't feel worthy
you seem so beautiful and strong
these unsure hands could never soothe you
too afraid of doing something wrong
and this confusion wears me down
until i feel like a nervous stranger
could i help you grow, i guess we'll never know
set up for a let-down
these things happen all the time
and i'm not longing to explore it again
i'm too scared of what you'll find
and this confusion wears me down
but i'll smile when i'm with you
cause there's so much we could do
together or alone
'm not afraid of being alone
posted by Flick 11:51 AM
I've been shined once again.... damn I guess I should take a hint. Maybe I should just be happy I have a date tomorrow night. I am sure he'll show up, he made reservations. I think I should just forget the other guy... unless he were to miraculously become more available. I don't think that is gonna happen. Probably best to just hold on to what pride I have left now.
Bwahahahaha! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Friday, October 25, 2002
posted by Flick 1:51 AM
Even with your heart crushed life goes on
Bwahahaha!
Blah
Well I'm a whole year older now, though I am told I don't look it. Didn't do too much on my actual birthday (which was the 8th if anyone is curious), but did go out on Friday night to see some bands playing... too bad I got there too late for the Matadors. Ended up leaving the show early, but it was worth it to spend some time alone with my friend ;) Oh yeah did I mention why I am on here this late? You guessssed it... the sandman missed me again... why does this keep happening to me? Not even the valerian root worked for me this time, starting to consider asking my doc for some sleeping pills. But at least now I have time to blog some precious few words for my people... did y'all miss me this last week? I have been busy, wrote an essay which is due tomorrow a.m. and I have 2 tests tomorrow... so you can all imagine how much I wanted to sleep... but after lying there for 2 hours and nothing I gave up trying, I guess it will be a Tim Horton's kinda day. Maybe a nap when I get home from school tomorrow too.... well I will be going now....
So much studying to do lately, and I am just about caught up in woman's studies... yeehaw. Just need to read one more article tonight and I am there, then I can start on the research paper for the same class (as well as study for the mid-term). I need to get the rest of the slides for that mid-term xeroxed as well... I need to know the titles of all the pieces of art and the the artists and the years they were done. I need to know what connotations, and denotations of those paintings are, and then there is going to be a "mystery" artist and I have to explain why I believe it is a male or a female artist and explain the meaning behind the painting....in the mean time I got to get going on my research for my woman studies essay on Friday Kahlo's life and art (wondering what route I should go for narrowing my topic). I also have a philosophy exam coming up in a couple of weeks, would it surprize anyone that I am looking forward to the Christmas holidays already?
oh, here is a link to some women artists
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
posted by Flick 6:24 PM
Today I started out pretty slow, dropped the kidlet off at her before school program then came back home where I crawled back into bed.... 4 hours later I decided to get my ass in gear and get all that running around done, financial aid office (I need more funding) and then to the Weldon Library to get copies of the readings I was behind in. I have had a lot of time to think about the state of mind I've been in..... re: that boy I've been dating. I think my problem is that I can forget to be objective about things that are close to me.... objectively I have neglected to consider the way he treats me, not that he is a bad person, but perhaps he just doesn't notice certain things (like how much I like him). Oh well I can see other people I guess, actually I was asked out on a date with this guy I met awhile ago... (did I mention the guy with the cowboy hat?) so why not, it isn't like I was in a committed relationship, if that were the case, it would be an entirely different story. So I have resolved to date more. It would be good for me to have a more full social life, and besides that, it gives me blog fodder, so I will have something other than bitching to talk about on this thing. On that note, the guy from the party called me today (let's call him G, he got my number from D). Anyways, we talked for over an hour... he got to say, not a dull moment though.... I finally know the whole story behind that infamous psycho French chick/Trole groupie from Alberta.... hehehe. We got talking about Frida Kahlo, and the upcoming movie about her life, and whenever the hell that comes out we are gonna go check it out... this is cool, thought I'd be seeing that one solo. Actually I think we may do something on Friday night... seems like it might be a go, I haven't really been doing to much with my Friday nights for awhile...I really must say, they could not have picked a more fitting actress for the part of Frida, Salma Hayek has an uncanny resemblance to her... just needs to wear some prosthetic eyebrows maybe.
Hmmm seems I have a date on Friday night with the man in the hat... we're doing the dinner thing... I just agree'd to this 10 minutes ago and already I am having second thoughts. I guess this is just something I have resolved to do because I am not in a serious relationship and so I should just date more. Damn I hope I am not making a mistake.
Monday, October 21, 2002
posted by Flick 6:38 PM
Well I went to a party last night (a family friendly event) downtown at the graffiti art gallery. I had debated on not going because I have been feeling a little down lately, as anyone can see from the stuff I've been writing lately... yeah I think it was more or less feeling like the guy I'd been dating has lost interest in me, maybe time to move on? I have wanted to say something to him, I think the fact that I do really like him was holding me back... seeing as he rarely calls me though I don't think he'll notice, I mean c'mon, he didn't even do anything for my birthday, aside from hint that he was going to do something. But anyway, back to last nights social intercourse. Having the kids there was a pretty good idea, they kept each other occupied and a good time could be had by all. Met a guy that I used to go to highschool with, seems we have some friends in common... funny that he recognized me, it's only been like 13 years, I guess he had a crush on me back in our days at Banting, I never would have known. I also got chatting with a cute guy for a major part of the evening and I must say he is not only a great listener but seems really smart. Smart, cute, and funny guys are a welcomed distraction from my nearly non-existent dating life, and so I heard today, he asked a friend of mine for my number after I left last night, so I gave her the go ahead. Well.... I may add a few more words later, got to get some reading done and fold laundry.
Okay, okay... I have to dump some of this shit I have been carrying around, it has been wearing on me. I would say it all right out to ... let's just call him J, but I don't even think that would change anything, people change because they want to, not because others are dissatisfied, or express a want for change. All I can really do is bitch about it on my jounal and then just pick myself up from the slump I have been in. Well things started out pretty good with J but have been really going downhill for the last month or so... he never has time for me, but seems to have time for everything else, but when he is with me he still says all these sweet things like "I miss you all the time" but his actions are really disconcerting for me if that is the case because I know that if I really missed someone, I would go out of my way to see them. It bothers me, it really bothers me, and I am gutless for not saying anything about it to him, like when he asks me if anything is bothering me... I also feel like I've increasingly become nothing more than a drop-by.... he will make time for me about once a week and it is usually pretty late at night, like after 11 (which he is usually late for), so this just makes me feel like a convenience. It bothers me. I can think of so many ways in which his words and his actions completely cancel one another out, so why do I bother with him? I can go on about this but I won't.... it is clearly just a waste of my time.... it sure sucks though, I really liked him. I really should just forget about him though, I don't think things are going to get any better. If that is as good as is gets, then I don't want any more. Somebody tell me please... does this sound like someone who likes me? Cause I don't think so
Sunday, October 20, 2002
posted by Flick 8:38 PM
Thursday, October 17, 2002
posted by Flick 9:33 PM
I don't know, why do write when I have nothing worthwhile to say... something that often keeps me away from here. That and I have felt really blah lately, kinda blue... went away for Thanks Giving to my sister's trailer, where she and her hubby frequent on the weekends. It was pretty slow around there, so they say, I hear it is busier during the summer months. For fun they mostly sit around the fire and drink at night.... that's alright I guess, and they play horse shoes (yawn). I was really glad they had satelite so I was not entirely cut off all weekend. Other than that, there is so much reading for school and new essays for me to contend with... one of which I am doing research on Frida Kahlo for... what her art means in the context of feminism, basically. I really just want to go to bed and pull the blanket over my head... I don't know where any of this is going to get me, even if I find it interesting... even more so when it bores me. I feel like this a lot of the time, and wonder if I am the only one. I get mixed messages from people and again, I wonder why I am there, what am I doing and where it is going... not even sure if I am interested or bored anymore (come to think of it, I am interested, but but frequently wonder if it's in my better interest not to be, interested). Okay maybe it is not all about academics that have gotten me in a rut... as Kid would say, yeesh.
Okay, here it is... it has been funneling through my brain all day. Simply put, someone I am particularly fond of, seems to be drifting off. I have felt that maybe he is losing interest in me. Maybe he is busy, but I get busy all the time and when I like someone I try to make time for them, more than once every week or two anyway, but that is just me. I hate to admit defeat so freely but in keeping past experience in mind, I's aware of the tell tale signs that things are not working out for both parties... unfortunately when that happens then someone will have their feelings hurt. Unfortunately that is me. I know I have hinted around this before, but now I am feeling pretty certain about it... maybe time for me to throw in the towel... I hate feeling like this. No, I haven't said anything to him, but he did say to me when we started seeing each other that he didn't want a girlfriend so I don't really feel like I have a right to say anything... and to make things worse, my ex told me this would happen, that really pisses me off too. There I said it. I don't feel better. Maybe it is because he couldn't get away from his house because someone's staying there, but when I call he is never there, maybe if he isn't interested in me he should just say it, maybe if he was he might show me that he is... maybe I shouldn't care, maybe, but it's too late for that... maybe I am just too dramatic. I experience the highs and lows of life very intensely. Maybe it's a curse or maybe it's a blessing.
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
posted by Flick 9:39 AM
>sigh< didn't do so great on my English test, but I have a good feeling about my sociology test.... I have had this song in my head by Rufus Wainwright all day so I will share it with all of you:
Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings Everything it seems I like's a little
bit stronger A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me
If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter, A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me
And then there's those other things Which for several reasons we won't mention
Everything about 'em is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder A little bit deadly
It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted
Sitting here remembering me
Always been a shoe made for the city
Go ahead accuse me of just singing about places
With scrappy boys faces have general run of the town
Playing with prodigal sons
Takes a lot of sentimental valiums Can't expect the world to be your Raggedy Andy
While running on empty
You little old doll with a frown
You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward I suggest a reading of A Lesson in Tightropes'
Or Surfing Your High Hopes'
Or Adios Kansas'
It isn't very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted
Still there's not a show on my back Holes or a friendly intervention
I'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit Irish A little bit Tower of Pisa Whenever I see ya
So please be kind if I'm a mess Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
Thursday, October 10, 2002
posted by Flick 2:43 AM
Upward Mobility
Woohoo... I feel like celebrating! When I went to work tonight, I got a promotion to shift supervisor. Effective November 15th I wll be getting a raise and (here's the best part) I do not have to wash the floors at the end of the shift any more... I get to do the paper work instead, much preferrable to menial chores :) With my birthday coming in less than a week, I could not have asked for a better gift, though I did earn it. Now I must go and do some reading for my classes tomorrow... later
Check this out---> Mildred
Wednesday, October 02, 2002
posted by Flick 10:51 PM
